Three weeks to pitchers and catchers! It’s snowing like crazy out there today, but balmy zephyrs, green grass, and radio nights with the Sox are just around the corner.
- 60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
- 50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
- 40° F: Italian and English cars won’t start. New Englanders drive with the windows down.
- 32° F: Distilled water freezes. Maine’s Moosehead Lake’s thickens.
- 20° F: Floridians don fur coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats. New Englanders wear unbuttoned flannel shirts.
- 15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
- 0° F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
- 10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. New England Girl Scouts are selling cookies door to door.
- 25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
- 40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
- 100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can’t start their “kahs.”
- 460° below zero: Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale. All atomic motion stops. People in New England start saying...“Cold ’nuff for ya?”
- 500° below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series.
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